The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.

Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"

"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.

"Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out: 'Is that you, Jim?' And that cured him."

"Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how did that cure him?"

"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

"Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"

"Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"

The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "If I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his

eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps

to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy.

I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead..."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

His wife was still in bed when he got there, so he took of his clothes and snuggled up to his wife's backside and said "Terrible weather out there."

The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly.

The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?"

The next night, the guy goes back to the same bar, and the same donkey is sitting at the bar. However, the sign has changed: "Anyone who can make me cry gets drinks for the night on the house." The guy goes up to the donkey, whispers something in the donkey's ear, and the donkey starts crying his eyes out. So the guy gets free drinks for the night.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc can I ask you a question?" The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I also canit up, take valves out, fix'em, put in new parts and when I finish this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic, "Try doing it while it's running!